Are you always finding yourself in the friendzone?
Do you always seem to say the right things and appease women with flattery and compliments but never get anywhere beyond this?
Are you frustrated because you don’t know why or how to step up to the next level with women you’re interested in?
If you answered yes to any of the above, this is a problem. A serious one.
In this article we’re taking a deep dive into the issue of why being a Nice Guy is fatal when it comes to pursuing a woman of interest. Even on a casual dating level. Why being overly nice and “woman pleasing” never works and actually puts you at risk of being taken advantage of and used. It’s time to shed the Nice Guy persona and break free from the constraints that keep you from experiencing the love and connection you desire. Throughout my years of coaching, I’ve witnessed countless men transform their dating lives by ridding themselves of their nice guy tendencies and embracing their authentic masculinity.
Let’s explore how you can avoid the friend zone and become the confident, respected man you were meant to be.
First, let’s understand the “Nice Guy” Syndrome. It often stems from a desire to be liked by everyone, especially women. It means putting others’ needs before your own, avoiding conflict, and suppressing your true feelings. While being respectful and kind is generally a good thing, it’s crucial to set and maintain healthy boundaries from the beginning when dealing with women. A nice guy to a woman is either a potential friend or an easy target if she’s looking for a sugar daddy or someone to take advantage of. Don’t set yourself up to be either of these. What can you do to avoid it?
Stop being so damn nice!
When interacting with a woman of interest, particularly in the early phase of the first meeting, it’s best that you refrain from the nice guy behavior, even if you’re so attracted and drawn to her that you want to shower her with compliments. STOP yourself immediately and remember this: if you come off too nice, too friendly and eager, this is a red flag for her. She’ll see nothing more than a small, puppy-like male who may be nice as a friend, but someone she could never consider dating or take seriously at all romantically or sexually. Even if you have to completely fake it for the moment, keep your game face on and keep your cool. If you miss this vital part at the beginning of the interaction with a woman, you’ve lost your chance with her FOREVER. You’re in the friend zone – at best!
Breaking the Nice Guy BS – for good!
A root cause of being the nice guy is the fear of rejection. This is a very common and a very real thing among men. Because men are taught to be the initiators with women, we have a built-in pressure that comes along with it. The voice in our head that says, “you better not fuck this up” or “just make her smile” or “just tell her she’s pretty” etc. It can be extremely stressful when first approaching and interacting with an attractive woman. But listen, being nice and overly friendly is a no win approach. You may be able to have a conversation but that doesn’t mean it’s an effective one that’s going to get you any closer than it would if you were just a co-worker asking her how her weekend was. Rejection is part of the game. It’s something you need to accept and not allow to break you.
Aside from the rejection issue, many ‘nice guys’ fear that they won’t be liked by the woman so they try to avoid this by overcompensating with their niceness. Listen closely, it’s not about being liked by a woman. A woman doesn’t have to like you to want to be with you. As wild as it may sound, it’s the truth. She doesn’t need to like you, she needs to respect you. And with respect comes a whole world of opportunity with a woman. Remember this. Women view niceness as weakness. The only way to create true desire and interest from a woman is to stand your ground as a man, make yourself respectable and keep yourself as far away from the friend zone as possible. This is the only way that can lead to deep love, real connection and great sex! To do this though, you must drop the nice guy act, for good.
Get clear on what you want from a woman and SET YOUR BOUNDARIES.
Think about what the ideal woman would be for you.
What are her life goals and personal values?
What does she contribute to the world as a person?
How would she treat you as the man she genuinely loves and wants to be with?
Establishing this “model” of the ideal woman in your mind will help you to narrow down your personal scope and will help you to avoid wasted time and effort of even paying attention to women who aren’t within your true desires and needs of fulfillment. This will also help you understand what you, as a man, can work on to increase your value as a high quality individual that can match your ideal woman. What do you bring to the table?
When it comes to your boundaries, these come from being clear about your personal values and virtues. It’s rooted in becoming clear about what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. A common problem here is, too many men will allow themselves to deal with whatever drama or red flags a woman is showing just hoping to get laid. Whether she’s just using you to try and get a free drink at the bar or a free dinner, you’ve got to be able to see past the pretty face and possibility of getting some pussy. In situations like this, you need to ask yourself, is this a person I’m truly interested in and that is really interested in ME, or is she just trying to get something from me because I look like an easy target? This kind of perspective is what setting boundaries will help you establish.
Once you’re more clear on the above, you will start to feel more confident, less “woman pleasing” as a nice guy, and more to the point with women you meet. No more side stepping or beating around the bush when it comes to voicing what you actually want around women. And trust me when I say, women love a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to speak it.
In conclusion, to do away with the nice guy and keep yourself out of the friend zone, your focus needs a real shift in the right direction. Focus on what you actually want from a woman, not just to get laid or just to impress a pretty face. But what you truly want. And once you’re clear on this, focus on your strengths and how you can be a man of quality that can be a good match for the woman you’re seeking. Here’s where you’ll develop some standards for yourself. Some boundaries that you can hold up for yourself and maintain so as to be sure you’re creating a foundation of value for yourself and any woman you choose to allow into your world. This breeds respect. Not just self respect, but respect from women which, again, is more important than being liked and damn sure more important than being nice.
In order for any woman to respect you, you must show that you respect yourself and be true to it. Set the example through clear boundaries that you stand strong on with clear wants and needs of your own. Stop asking yourself things like: “Does she like ME? What does she think about me?!” – and instead: “What do I think about HER? Do I really want to be with her?”
With this mindshift and put into practice, watch how quickly your “nice guy” routine fades and how your communication becomes clearer and most of all, how women start to treat you differently. With respect.
For more information on this, or if you’d like to work with my team and I on a particular issue, please reach out to us directly at [email protected]
Be well brother,
Orlando Owen